I want him and his family out of my life and my childrens lives. I know that it not realistic, but I just had to say it. His mother didn't want us to get married. She push him into dating other women while we were dating and married. These aren't the type of people want want around my children. I planed and paid for a $30,000 wedding and the entire time she was in his ear telling him that I was not right for him. But he tells me that she loves me. She went as far as to invite his ex girl over to a family function knowing that was going to be there as well. The first time I met her she sat in front of me a the dinner table crying like someone had died for about an hour, because her son had asked me to join them for dinner. I should have cut him and his crazy family off then. The only one of them I would have around my children is his oldest sister that knows her mother is a witch. I love her very much.
I just feel that its time for me to move on, but I'm having a hard time doing so. I still love him and I'm scared to think about what life will be like without him in my life.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Did I Stay or Did I leave?
I left his ass and I took the kids and moved in with my parents the day after christmas. We've been legal seperated since 01/01/2008. I must say that it took everything in me to pack my things and leave. It was the best thing that I could have down for my sanity. This man was play all kinds of head games with me. He has gone as far as to blame me for his affairs. He brought of my lack of trust and effection towards him during the course of our relationsip play factor in the break down the marriage. No, I married a walking penis, a slut, and a hoe. He was that before I married him and he is going to be that way for the rest of his life. I could have been Halley Berry or Beyonce he would still be looking for the next hole to bore in. I couldn't trust him or give myself fully to him knowing that he was sleeping around.
I was a fool to think that my love would change him. It did't and now I'm just another statistic. One precentage point has been added to the divorced black single mother with two kids bracket. Theres nothing wrong with being a single mother, but I've always invisioned being married for 35 plus years like my parents. My parents marriage was no cake walk and they still have issues in there marriage today. The diffrence is they made a commitment to be togehter and work things out no matter what. I was raised with the same value, but my husband wasn't. The first sign of a problem he runs to another woman and when that doesn't work out he comes back to me. This is the 3rd time I've been in this cycle and it will be the last time. The grass is never greener on the other side of the fence.
I was a fool to think that my love would change him. It did't and now I'm just another statistic. One precentage point has been added to the divorced black single mother with two kids bracket. Theres nothing wrong with being a single mother, but I've always invisioned being married for 35 plus years like my parents. My parents marriage was no cake walk and they still have issues in there marriage today. The diffrence is they made a commitment to be togehter and work things out no matter what. I was raised with the same value, but my husband wasn't. The first sign of a problem he runs to another woman and when that doesn't work out he comes back to me. This is the 3rd time I've been in this cycle and it will be the last time. The grass is never greener on the other side of the fence.
How I Found Out
Christmas Day 2007
My husband of three years kept getting text meassages on his phone all morning and he was sneaking off to make phone calls. So, after one of the text messages I aked him for the phone and he gave it to me and I began checking the messages. Most of them were form friends sending merry X-mas texts. Then I checked his out going messages. One of them said the following, I can't wait to put my monster cock inside of you. In that moment I looked at him and smiled and slaped him as hard as I could. So, thats how I official found out my husband and the father of 2 children was having affairs with multiple women during our 3 year marriage.
My husband of three years kept getting text meassages on his phone all morning and he was sneaking off to make phone calls. So, after one of the text messages I aked him for the phone and he gave it to me and I began checking the messages. Most of them were form friends sending merry X-mas texts. Then I checked his out going messages. One of them said the following, I can't wait to put my monster cock inside of you. In that moment I looked at him and smiled and slaped him as hard as I could. So, thats how I official found out my husband and the father of 2 children was having affairs with multiple women during our 3 year marriage.
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